j U m B l E d

Many, many things have been making their way in and out of my mind lately.
Lots of these things have to do with me discovering my personality, but also discovering God's personality.

He has revealed many times in just the last week just how real and present He is.

As my thoughts are splattered across this post please feel free to skip out at any time.

Writing helps me organize my thoughts and makes me feel like I've shared those that are

most important in my heart.

Recently, I was involved in an accident of sorts that left my mind spinning and my body aching. 

The details will be left unwritten. 

I will say that nothing has made me feel more shameful, idiotic, ridiculous, or helpless than this incident.

It also became extremely evident that I have apparently been cramping Satan's style. 

 The following words are written with a bit of hesitation.

I have no idea what religious backgrounds are reading this,

not even of my own friends and family.

Take no offense at any of my words, all of them are said in complete sincerity.

You see, before my episode, literally just an hour and a half before, I was reading a book on spiritual warfare.

{Please, halt your screaming and judgements and just listen for a minute.

The Bible has many teachings on the spiritual kingdom..I mean God Himself is not a physical being.

Why would we assume that our lives, lives that were created by a supernatural God, are mostly physical?

I will absolutely not claim to be highly educated in this area but I will most assuredly claim that I hold an unwavering belief in the spiritual realm, including evil spirits.

 For many years I have sat under the teaching of my Pastor and Dad on this subject.

Though for some time I was a wee bit skeptical on this subject, God has revealed many truths to me in the recent years of my life.}

In this book, Pigs in the Parlor - Frank and Ida Mae Hammond, the evil kingdom is laid bare. 

All its secrets and weaknesses are revealed and the Christian is equipped with their weapons of war.

This book and the other teachings I have received have confirmed the following.

Every day we are in a battle.

This is such a sneaky, hidden battle that so many Christians do not even realize it.

But whether we realize it or not, we are in the midst of a field scattered with both good and evil warriors fighting for something greater than physical life. 

We are fighting to determine the eternal destination of our souls. 

Our enemy? 

All the powers of Hell and Satan. 

Our leader? 

The Almighty and Sovereign King of Heaven and Earth.

This all ties into my little story becauseeee.....

A multitude of things have been happening in my life that would begin to seriously disturb Satan's ugly little control over me.

See, I've been realizing lately that God has given me this incredible power and authority through His Spirit.

Satan does not appreciate when God's people start getting a clue and busting out their Bibles in combat against him.

In fact, it is his entire goal to fight against this.

He is evil and hates all things good.

As I began to bust out my own weapons of warfare {His word} Satan began to play push and shove.

He pushed especially hard the day of my incident.

But

my God and Savior pushed especially hard right back at him.

My God and my Savior fought back on my behalf,

to protect me,

to ensure that I was safe.

He was not calmly looking down and reaching with one hand to stop me from being injured.

No, He was wrestling and fighting with the dark forces.

He was not looking down, He was beside me,

covering me with His mighty arms,

running to hold me in the shadow of His wings.

His presence was the presence that kept me calm and stable.

He was the one who saved my life for the second time.

Guys, ladies...everyone.

There is a God, not in heaven but here amidst us who is warring against the dark kingdom for our souls.

He is battling for us.

 His love for you is overwhelming.

His thoughts toward you are countless.

He has evidenced this in my life countless times.

He has sacrificed for me, He has stood beside me, He has carried me when I could not carry myself.

 

God is faithful to my faithless soul. 

Always.

Despite my stupidity and selfishness He is overflowing with grace and comfort.

When shame is crouching at my door, He reminds me that He took that from me long ago.

As I cried for nearly an hour after experiencing a physical and spiritual battle like I've never been a part of,

God listened and held me secure.

He was present in my weakness like only He could be.

 When I opened His word to my Psalm of the day He did not disappoint.

{When those words were written thousands of years ago He knew I would need them in two thousand thirteen.

Hebrews 4:12 has never rung more true in my heart.}

Psalm 28

To you, Lord, I call;
    you are my Rock,
    do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
    I will be like those who go down to the pit.

Hear my cry for mercy
    as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
    toward your Most Holy Place. 

Do not drag me away with the wicked,
    with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors
    but harbor malice in their hearts.

Repay them for their deeds
    and for their evil work;
repay them for what their hands have done
    and bring back on them what they deserve.

Because they have no regard for the deeds of the Lord
    and what his hands have done,
he will tear them down
    and never build them up again.

Praise be to the Lord,
    for he has heard my cry for mercy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
    and with my song I praise him.

The Lord is the strength of his people,
    a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Save your people and bless your inheritance;
    be their shepherd and carry them forever.

 All these jumbled thoughts come down to one thing

His love endures forever.

x o

Hannah Dorothy

Some of God's words to consider.
II Corinthians 6:19-20, 10:3-4, 12:9
Luke 10:17-19
Ephesians 6:10-12.

-Look for a followup post titled Humbled, soon!- 

THIS

Although I myself sometimes forget what the purpose of my blog is today I have been reminded.

This is the place where I will discover what the voice of God is calling me to.

This is the place where I will say "This is who God has called me to be and His words are the ones I will 

put my hope in."

I will remind myself here that the world is causing me to live a life only partially in tune with my Creator.

I will remind myself that I cannot trust what the world tells me, but I can always rely 

on the Anchor of my being.

 

His voice is soft and ancient like a dusty whisper to my soul.

His voice is the sound I will wait in hope for and chase until I find.

This place is a place to remind myself, and hopefully others, that I must rediscover who I am supposed to be as a descendent of the Mighty King.

I will discover the truth of how I was meant to live and eagerly pursue living in that way

and I invite you along for the bumpy ride.

x o

o p e n UP the H E A V E N S

So on my way home from my accountability group (3Strands) I may or may not have had an obnoxiously loud singing and dancing party. 

Honestly, the beginning of my evening wasn't especially FABULOUS.

My accountability group went well, we just had a hard time staying focused on each other rather than just chatting. This has always been a struggle for our talkative group, but tonight was especially scattered. I was a tiny disappointed at this (Don't get me wrong we had a wonderful talk about speaking in tongues). 

  However, God continued to make Himself alive to me as I got in the truck and began to drive home.

See, I absolutely cherish my time driving alone.

Not that I don't sometimes wish someone was there to sing with but,

when I'm driving "alone" I'm really not alone at all.

In that small space called a Chevy cab Someone else is always so quietly and fiercely present.

 He often makes me smile for no reason at all. 

Or maybe for the simple reason that He is good.

Well, for whatever reason my driving time usually turns into a full on praise sess with Him.

Tonight was no different; He was riding with me just like always. 

As I drove toward home a song came on that I mostly skip. 

It's one of those songs that for some unknown reason you have it in your head that you don't completely love it, so you automatically skip when you hear the first notes. 

Well tonight, I did not skip it.

And as I listened to the lyrics praise burst from me like it hasn't in a while.

God had allowed me to taste a portion of His goodness 

and I was starveling devouring it.

Following are the lyrics with some of my thoughts on them (in yellow). 

We've waited for this day, we're gathered in Your Name
Calling out to You
Your glory like a fire awakening desire
Will burn our hearts with truth
Why don't we gather more often and expect God's presence? Why do we act like His presence is a hit and miss kind of thing? If we ask for it it shall be given? Why aren't we continually asking?
You're the reason we're here
You're the reason we're singing
He is literally the source and explanation of our very existence. The reason we are here, in this place at this exact second in all of time and space. He designs it. He is also the reason we go to church and concerts and accountability groups. Because we hunger for Him and His goodness; He is the reason we actively go in order to find.
Open up the heavens, we wanna see You
Open up the floodgates, a mighty river
Flowing from Your heart and filling every part of our praise
As I was driving and listening to these very words I glanced out the window and realized that my God had literally opened up the heavens for me this night. The sky was entirely too clear and sparkled with stars and the intricate shape of the crescent moon. He had cleared all clouds away in order to open up the heavens so that I could stare into His face. His vastness. His glory. His power. He had opened the flood gates of His heart so that praise and clarity were rushing over and encompassing my heart. He was filling my praise. 
 Your presence in this place, Your Glory on our face,
We're looking to the sky.
Descending like a cloud, You're standing with us now,
Lord unveil our eyes.
His presence was certainly in my place. Yes indeed, I am looking to the sky. The sky you created, dwell in and descend from. How are these words not completely beautiful?
You're the reason we're here
You're the reason we're singing
I like how this captures His holiness. This says "You are a glorious reason and the only one we need to be in this place praising You. Your very being creates a purpose for our praise and singing."
 So open up the heavens, we wanna see You
Open up the floodgates, a mighty river
Flowing from Your heart and filling every part of our praise
I can speak only for myself, but yes, yes, YES we want to see You! I know I long all day to catch a glimpse of this Mighty One. He fills us. He fulfills us.
Show us, show us Your glory
Show us, show us Your power
Show us, show us Your glory Lord
For me this is saying "God! Matchless One, reveal to me Your greatness in this moment while I lift myself to You. Meet me here and reveal Your everlasting and unimaginable and holy glory."

This song is currently one of my favorites because it opened a door for me to share an intimate time with God.
This time was in no way prefect by the worlds standards however. 
I was closing my eyes while driving, sticking my hand out the window and singing, singing at the highest top of my lungs so that my cries of praise could be heard everywhere I drove. 

But that's really what they were.

Cries.

My heart was not at that moment hurting, only longing for closeness with this Beginning and End being.

 I was sincerely crying, bursting forth with a need to glorify Him and tell Him how awe inspiring He is. 

Needless to say it was a lovely car ride home and I hope my God and I have another very soon.

x o   

Find the link to the song my Meredith Andrews here 

:)

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/7368499/?claim=a37pxhxfyjw">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

M A Y// 2013

Ahhh...*insert loud, obnoxious and highly dramatic sigh here*

May.

May is one of my favorite months of the entire year.

School is almost over, the weather is warming up and there are graduation parties galore.

But.

This year, my feelings and thoughts are a wee bit different.

As a matter of fact, I'm almost to the point of disliking May, even in all her eighty-degree-glory.

However, change and growing up are getting the best of me.

For so long I have been the youngest, the one watching as others go through intense change. 

Now, it's my turn.

Now, I am the one who is the oldest. The one who is going through those intense changes. 

Life is continually getting busier and busier. 

More change.

More stress.

More uncomfortable situations.

More misunderstandings. 

More, more, more.

I am a believer in less is more. So, this new life that is coming my way...well, I'm less than ecstatic about it.

It sounds like I'm a Senior that's getting ready to make life decisions. Well...

I'm not.

I'm just a sixteen year old Junior in High School.

 Unfortunately, at least half of my friends are graduating this year. Maybe "unfortunately" is too strong a word. It's not unfortunate that they have accomplished so much, that they are preparing to accomplish more and constantly seeking God's guidance as to where they should go. These are all beautiful things to watch. But it is sincerely alarming to have the reality of my Senior year staring me straight in my pointy face. As I watch this reality draw nearer and nearer, I try desperately to cling to this point in my life. It's such a nice, warm, wonderful place. So far, High School has been such a heartbreaking time of growth. And I feel like this growth needs to continue. And continue, and continue and continue. 

This is my perfectionism kicking in.

This is me thinking that I need to have everything figured out before the end of HS.

But this is also me realizing the beauty of these few years of High School, and not wanting to allow room for a new beauty.

I think, however, it's time for me to realize that the next part of my life will still hold goodness.

Maybe not all the same kind of joy and happiness, but they will still be there.

And maybe, just maybe God is once again reminding me

"Hannah, you need no one but Myself.

I am all that will fulfill you,

all that will bring you peace,

all that will bring you joy.

I am unchanging, even in these changing times, and I

I will always be with you."

God has a funny way of being here for me when I most need Him,

and I think this is Him, finally coming into focus in my eyes.

So as my eleventh year of school draws to an end, I must remember this.

This time of my life.

These very moments in time spent with my childhood kindred spirits

the moments spent growing with my family

trying to figure out who the heck I am

and desperately

attempting to love others through it all.

These will never be again.

Never again in the entire universe.

They will never be allowed to be repeated,

only remembered.

I can never come back to this simplicity.

The simplicity I have taken for granted for so many years.

Change is entirely scary and heartbreaking.

It is different, exciting, refreshing and good.

 

Experiencing life like never, ever before.

Making changes that must become a part of me.

Trying to let go of things, and figuring out how to hold onto new ones.

Beginning to fit into new places and explore dreams.

Learning to love and cherish those who I once easily befriended, but now seem so incredibly strange to me. 

 All of these things have been my Junior year.

These difficulties and joys define it.

And I am thankful for them all.

Maybe not thankful because of how comfortable and good they are,

but thankful because though they be uncomfortable

and though they have brought me to my knees,

God is till good.

God is still controlling everything.

And God is still using everything for His glory.

xo,

Hannah